When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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