no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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