i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
