It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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