Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize