So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
