I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
