I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
