that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
