actually, I'm a sock model
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize