Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
