But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
