dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
