I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
