"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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