im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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