wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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