you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
