o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
