is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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