Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
