oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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