Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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