My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
