I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
