No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
