The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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