I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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