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I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
