Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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