somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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