Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
