Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
