I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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