Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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