so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
