We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
