Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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