decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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