don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
