I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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