Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Randomize