Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
