apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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