i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize