I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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