Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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