hell yes lets make some ravioli
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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