I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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