Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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