i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
