It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
