Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
