Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
