The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
