My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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