You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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