note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
