If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
