i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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