I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
