too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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