She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
