I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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