so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
