Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
