She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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