you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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