I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
