I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
